Feeling Better Now

Now that I no longer have to get up at 8:00 and watch the boys, I find I am calmer. This annoys me because I like to think I can suck it up. I certainly didn't treat anyone any differently. I didn't yell any more than usual or send anyone to their room or to sit on the stairs any more often. I didn't blow up or act badly, but I've felt off for 2 months now. More, if I look back and remember June for what it was: a whole month of being asked to do even more than usual, and for free, no less.

DH has essentially forbidden me from spending too much time at the school this year. Oddly, it might work out better for me if I did a couple days serving breakfast because then I could leave DS with the other moms and take DD to school. Since the powers that be have decided that both schools will now start at the same time, I have to get both kids to 2 different schools for 8:40. I'm not leaving DD at her school for 10 extra minutes in the morning, but DS's school makes me less nervous. I would ask V, down the street if we could alternate taking kids to school: Some days I could take the Grades 4-7 kids and she could take the Grade 1 kids. Then we could switch. Pros: They're 3 houses down from us. DS is in the youngest sister's class. Cons: They're often more than half an hour late.

OK, back to navel-gazing. I feel so relaxed today. In fact, I've been relaxed since 6:00 Friday night when the boys left for the last time. Their mother thanked me with the words "I couldn't have done it without you" and I briefly flirted with the idea that next year might not be so bad. But that's why I blogged about how much I hated babysitting. I will read that next year and remind myself of how trapped and desperate I was feeling by the end of 2 months.

Now that - hopefully! - I'm not just going to post a whole lot of whining, I may open comments back up again sometime. I don't know. With the comments on, I feel more like people are watching. How stupid. This is the Internet. Anyone from anywhere could be reading this at any time. And I don't like for people to feel obligated to say "there, there" when I'm just being bitchy.