Distracted
I know I have to write up some final thoughts from this weekend, but I am having difficulty concentrating.
On Thursday of last week, my father called to tell me he had lung cancer. They can't operate, so he will have chemo and radiation. I am uncertain how to deal with this. My father has been a smoker for, what? 40 years? So this really shouldn't come as a surprise. Additionally, Dad has had operable cancer before - stomach or gall bladder, I never did quite understand, he had trouble with both. That was dealt with in much secrecy and the sisters and I never really had the straight of it. It's gone now, but still makes for a history of getting cancer.
Sadly, I'm not optimistic. The fellow on the corner who had lung cancer after years of smoking also had chemo and radiation. I haven't seen him in 3 months and his house is up for sale. It doesn't look as if anyone lives there, either. I did see his wife the day of the open house. I think he died. They may have moved to a more convenient location for him, but it was very abrupt - the house going up for sale, the lack of people in the house. I could be wrong. It would be nice to be wrong.
So this makes me wonder about Dad's chances.
On the plus side, he told me he'd ask Middle Sister to change her plans about getting married in Italy.
On the minus side, who knows if he'll be able to walk her down the aisle even if they have a ceremony here?
My trip to the Canadian Cancer Society site didn't help me at all.
Middle Sister sent me a "I love you guys" email today and Youngest Sister called me up and cried. Why am I not crying? I probably should or something. It's what normal people do. Oh, my throat gets tight now and again, but that's it.
posted by Seana @ 11:43 PM
19 comments
19 Comments:
{{hugs}} Seana.
Don't pressure yourself to feel any certain way, just go with your gut and your mind and body will follow as needed.
*big hugs Seana*
I remember feeling nothing too. My father had prostate cancer for years, then it spread to his bones. He lived with that for several years even though it usually is a very quick moving cancer.
Even when I found out he had weeks to live I was still kind of in shock. I found out around a week and a half before Christmas. He passed away Jan 12.
I do remember crying eventually during that time.
It does come.
At weird times-shower is a good place.
I still cry.
You never know what is going to happen. Things could work out. But be prepared for anything. Be there for your father and sisters. But be there for yourself. Take special care of yourself.
I am very sorry.
{{hugs}} for Seana. So sorry, Sweetie.
I didn't cry at my mom's diagnosis of liver cancer. She was coping well and a lifelong 'good coper' so I guess I was like her in that way. Plus she savored every moment she had left, which is really a positive thing and nothing to cry over.
I cried the last time I saw her, when I knew it would be the last time, but not until after I had left her presence. And of course I cried when she died. And I still do now and then, even though it is years later. Your love for your parents does not fade with death or time. I still feel like she is out there and I can call her up anytime to talk. I just need the number, lol.
My advice is don't avoid feeling bad, but don't focus on it either.
{{hugs again}}
I don't know that any advice would help since we all deal with things differently. Once you know more, you will be more prepared to deal with things. After all, there is no such thing as too much knowledge.
Oddly enough, the thought that provides comfort to me is "Lives end, but love endures".
*hugs* You seem a little in shock about it all, and that's understandable. Especially if you are a logical thinker. You start thinking ahead to all that might be affected and things you can do to help.
*hugs again*
So sorry to hear about that Seana. Cancer is nasty.
Just remember that feelings are feelings, and you can't make yourself feel a certain way.
And no matter how you are feeling, I know that you are a caring sort and will do whatever you can to help your dad.
>---hugs---<
So sorry to hear about this. *hugs*
Aww, Seana. I'm sorry, hon. *hugs*
I agree with everyone else, don't worry about not crying. Just because you're not crying doesn't mean you aren't upset or scared. People deal with things in different ways.
*good thoughts for Daddy Seana*
*HUGS* I'm so sorry for your news Seans and will keep good thoughts for your dad.
Thank-you all for your kind words.
*hugs* and *smooches* back at you.
BIG HUGS...
I echo what Zombs said.
When my grandmother got sick, I never cried. When she got worse, I still didn't. When she passed, I didn't cry like I needed too.
It comes at different moments, even now 9 years later, something can move me to tears when it reminds me of her.
It doesn't mean it hurts any less...
Take care of yourself...
smooches
It means you are cold and heartless.
I bet you kick puppies too.
Super cute puppies with enourmous, brown eyes and floppy ears.
Poor little puppies.
I'm with Bob. Hugs to you, but smiles help us get through these trying times.
Aw, I'm so very sorry sweetie. *hugs* Like others have said, you feel how you feel. Everyone's different.
We're here if you need a shoulder or an ear.
Sorry to hear about your dad Seana. I'll echo what everyone else said.
Don't worry about not crying just yet. One thing though, make sure you express your feelings someway that ends up being constructive, not destructive.
I lived with a lot of guilt right after my mom died, and started on a road to destruction. Luckily I figured it out on my own, with some comments from friends, so consider these your comments from a friend.
Also lost my MIL to lung/brain cancer.
{{hugs}}
It's no comparison to you at all, but our oldest cat Minnie has cancer. It'll be hard to see her go.
#Hugs# to you and your sibs.
My FIL smokes, but other than that he's in great health, better than he used to be. My uncle smoked regularly, and his life was cut short at 47 by a brain aneurism.
As to your other point: When my paternal grandmother died in 1994, I didn't shed too many tears. Not because I didn't love or miss her; I just never really KNEW her. Nor did I know my grandfather, who died when I was 3. I knew my job was to support my dad.
{{{hugs}}}
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