Not the Shocked Rat

I have been a bit upset with DH lately. I wasn't even really sure why. Then, last Sunday, he didn't get up with DS in the morning, so I had to, even though had let him sleep in on Saturday, and I spent the day stewing about it. Really.

There were about a half dozen other tiny things that were just getting under my skin and I was trying to keep it all to myself because who am I to complain? I'm a stay-at-home mom now. I don't have to deal with the nasty world outside.

I was so proud of myself for not saying anything all day until I wanted to take a shower (our shower is in the basement) and I went downstairs and did some tidying first. DH came down and asked if I wanted help and I said that I'd done as much as I was going to. Then he walked past me and into the bathroom to take his shower.

I burst into tears and ran upstairs sobbing. He came up to find out what he'd done wrong now and I yelled at him that some days I just bloody want it to be ME first. Poor bastard. Next day I felt pretty sheepish. When he got home from work, I said something about he didn't have to be afraid of me, I was all done my big hissy...working my way up to a proper apology. It's the method that was wrong, you see. The sentiment was true, but there are better ways of dealing with these things. I'm a grown-up after all.

A little bit later, he apologised to me and said he would help out more and give me a break sometimes. I apologised for being a shrieking harridan.

I'm all better now. I don't even think he's actually had to do any more than he ever does. I still handle everything, but I don't *have* to.

Which leads me to some experiments we studied in Psychology in first year.

Experiment #1

Two (or more) groups are asked to do a worksheet with difficult questions on them. The sort of thing that requires concentration. Subjects are sent into a room by themselves to complete the questions. Noise is piped into the room - barking dogs, loud music, whatever. It is annoying and distracting and they need to pay attention to what they're doing.

Subjects in Group A are just told to complete the work with the noise.

Subjects in Group B are told to complete the work, but if the noise is too much for them, they can press a button and it will stop.

There may have been another group in a quiet room, but I can't remember.

So...subjects from Group A mostly did not complete the work in the time allotted. They were distracted and annoyed and couldn't concentrate.

Subjects from Group B not only mostly completed the work, but mostly didn't push the button.

Researchers concluded that when people think they are not stuck in a crappy situation with no way out, they are more likely to be productive, even under difficult circumstances.

*****

Experiment #2

A poor little rat is in a wire cage, which is hooked up to electrodes. The cage is electrified, shocking the rat. The rat does everything it can to escape, scrabbling here and there, jumping, gnawing at the wire. It also goes through all the fear responses of shaking and defecating, etc. The shocking continues, and it is made clear to the rat that there is nothing it can do about it.

Eventually, the rat just sits there. It does not try to escape. It does not squeak. It just sits there, wherever the researcher put it. If the cage door is opened, the rat still just sits there, getting shocked. It has given up.

This phenomenon is known as "Learned Helplessness".

*****

It's All About Me

The tale of me and my husband perfectly shows a real-life example of Experiment #1.

Whenever I see people living in situations that I would personally consider unbearable, I wonder if they are the shocked rat.

Sometimes when I feel like giving up, I think to myself "I am not the shocked rat."