Not Being Seen

Mrs. Smegma has not learned the first lesson.













Which bush is Seana behind?



And now for something completely different.



OK, I haven't been around much this week. I suck. Yes, I do. And damn well, too, I tell you. But that's not the point. The point is that I am terribly terrible sorry. As well I should be. I know.

*****

I was thinking about the stupid things that have become routine in our house. Things that I had to do to ensure compliance from my children. For example:

1. I sing the song "Hands Up" (Hands up, baby, hands up! Give me your heart , give me give me your heart give me give me all your love, all your love, all your love) with modified words to make getting DS undressed more fun for all involved:

Hands up, big boy, hands up! Give me your shirt, give me give me your shirt give me give me all your clothes, all your clothes, all your clothes.

2. When I fill their cups for dinner and want them to get the cups themselves, I don't yell "Hey kids, come get your drinks!" No, I yell "Boy, I sure hope no-one comes to swipe my juice! I really wouldn't like that at. all!" And then I turn my back. I hear *patter patter patter* and then two little voices saying "Swipe!"

3. For the longest time, DD (who has eating issues and whatever works, I'll do that) would not eat "noodles". She wanted to be a baby bird and eat worms. So I had to feed her one noodle at a time. She would tweet, and I would feed her a noodle.

My kids are weird. I can't imagine where they get it.